Where are you?

Feeling like you are drifting away from your friends really makes you think why. The more I begin to think about it the more I wonder who my real friends are. Now after thinking about this for days and days I have come to the conclusion of: nobody. I don't have that best friend that I can't live without. I don't have those friends that I can always count on if I want to hang out. I have no friend that I can talk to when I'm feeling down. At this point I am pretty sad all the time. I come home from school and my mum asks me why I'm so sad and I just think of some lame excuse about class that day when really I'm just alone and depressed. No matter how much I think I am fine I'm not. I am pretty held down at home because my mum won't let me go anywhere and I can't always hang out but yet she complains I'm always home. Not my fault. Currently I am just at the point where any moment I'm alone I will cry because  don't feel like there's anybody in my life. But everything I just wrote is just the icing on the cake, there is much more going on than just this but who am I? I don't want people to think I'm seeking attention, no. I'm just expressing everything I feel and probably what others feel but are too afraid to say.

Injury of the Night

Now this just happened and I am injured and can barely type this because I am doing it on my phone. Earlier today mum asked me to cut a ball of cheese into slices. She handed me a knife that has cheese etched out in the blade leaving it looking fancy and polished. Anyway I'm cutting the cheese doing well then all of a sudden my grandma walks in the kitchen and says something averting my focus and then I feel it. First it only stings but then blood begins gushing out and I begin to panic. I call myself a self taught nurse that has practiced the fine art of bandaiding so I thought "I will be fine" as I approached the medicine cabinet. My reassurance was gone when I opened up the box of bandaids and find only the square ones that I call the bullet bandaids. Meanwhile my thumb is bleeding out pints of blood. No bandaids and a bleeding thumb I have to access my inner improviser and I make a good enough bandaid that will last me the night until we buy bandaids tomorrow morning. I am until then stuck with a giant red thumb stuck straight unable to bend. My life is just fantastic. (paper towel and red tape) 

Friday Night Chatter

Now at school I'm not that popular girl that everyone wants to know. I'm just that one girl Kat. I guess you could say in a sense I'm popular because I'm easy to recognize, I'm one of the few blondes in my entire school. I just tell myself that to make myself feel better than I actually do. What can I say? I don't think that I hold a special spot in anyone's life or impacted them in any way, I feel like I'm just there. There is no point I am even trying to make, I just wish I knew if I had impacted someone's life positively in any way to let me know if I'm doing something right because lately it feels like everything is slipping away. I don't mean to be too deep or emotional but it's kind of where life is headed right now. I mean, the people around me have no clue what goes on in my mind, only me and those of you that actually read this, but don't you ever just feel like at one point for a second you had everything under control but then you turn your focus for a second and then it's all just chaos? Well, that is what I personally call my life. I seem like I complain too much, oh well, we all need to complain sometimes, we can't just keep everything bottled up inside or else one day we'll just explode. I don't know. I just have a lot of time to think. Spending my Friday night in my room on my laptop, watching Netflix, listening to music. There are some things in my life that I wish I could change but don't since I'm afraid of the outcome. What other teenagers my age are doing at this very moment is the polar opposite of what I am doing and I am quite proud to say that I am not sucked in to be like everyone else and drink and smoke along with my friends. No, we have ice cream sleepover nights and hot chocolate socials.

Welcoming Myself

Well this seems extremely awkward. Talking to myself, to nobody online. But it doesn't matter because I want to do this and I will. I started this blog as a personal thing so I can view it years later and see the things I've done and places I've been. So here I am sitting on my bed surrounded by Christmas lights that I carelessly yet carefully hung onto my walls, just typing this little post as These Broken Hands by Joe Brooks plays as my "background music" because I constantly imagine my life is that in a movie so I keep music constantly playing as a soundtrack to my life. Silly, I know. It's only 6:00 pm and it's already as dark as burnt toast outside and my stomach growls for some macaroni and cheese but I tell myself I must finish this. The thoughts in my head constantly shift from one thing to another. One second I'm thinking of what I will wear tomorrow, the next I remind myself to shower before I go to sleep, then the next tells me I must check my instagram. Behind those normal everyday thoughts are some weird and creepy, as some people would say, thoughts. Instead of telling people I know about my thoughts, why not tell the internet and maybe find someone that thinks the same way. Who knows? This will be a hit or miss but I won't lose anything from this... I hope.